Nº. 1 of  7

'PBQ Presents: Madame Bainbridge's Compendium

Of Primo Dong'

Ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart, and the fall through the air of the true, wise friend called Piggy. God, I hate fat people. It’s clear that was the whole point of the book, right? When the disgusting little fat kid finally gets it with the boulder? Ugh—he made me want to throw up the whole time I was writing this.

—William Golding, The Lord of the Flies [1954], ch. 12 (via bartlettsfamiliarquotations)

funnyordie:

Leaked Apple Memo Regarding Egg-Freezing Program
Apple strongly encourages its female employees to surrender all future offspring to the Apple iMother 3.0 Centralized Caregiving Hub.

funnyordie:

Leaked Apple Memo Regarding Egg-Freezing Program

Apple strongly encourages its female employees to surrender all future offspring to the Apple iMother 3.0 Centralized Caregiving Hub.

brianjanosch:

If you haven’t seen Don Hertzfeldt’s couch gag from last weekend’s Simpsons premiere, do it. You probably know Hertzfeldt’s Oscar-nominated animated short ("Rejected"), but I can’t believe they put these two minutes on national primetime television.

Has anything more insane ever appeared on Middle American television sets? 

A whale-ship was my Yale College, and my Harvard. A crows-nest was my Vanderbilt, and a foredeck my Oberlin. Didn’t learn too much from a scullery; that was like my Arizona State, or maybe my Syracuse. A helm, though—that was my University of Michigan. A good, solid liberal arts education, that.

—Herman Melville, Moby-Dick, 24 (via bartlettsfamiliarquotations)

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. Except with waaaaaay bigger dicks. If we’re going to become men anyway, might as well have the biggest frickin’ ding-dongs possible. Am I right, ladies?

—Gloria Steinem, Speech at Yale University [September 1981] (via bartlettsfamiliarquotations)

There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and, after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second. I myself could never truly enjoy a yo-yo. For as long as I can remember, I haven’t been able to pass by a yo-yo in a toy shop without buying the fool thing. I’ll play with it for awhile—’walking the dog’ and so forth—and invariably become dissatisfied and cast it aside after an hour or so, only to buy yet another yo-yo a short time later, all the while thinking to myself ‘this one will be different! It glows in the dark!’ And now what do I have? A big cardboard box full of goddamned yo-yos. I’ll probably just keep buying ‘em, though.

—Logan Pearsall Smith, Afterthoughts [1931] (via bartlettsfamiliarquotations)

kellyqehudson:

johneveretttrowbridge:

scabramp:

How do i get more followers?

well i love this.

Wow

kellyqehudson:

johneveretttrowbridge:

scabramp:

How do i get more followers?

well i love this.

Wow

liartownusa:

Lesbian Psychic, May 1974

liartownusa:

Lesbian Psychic, May 1974

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent, you dumbfuck.

—[Anna] Eleanor Roosevelt, This Is My Story [1937] (via bartlettsfamiliarquotations)

'It isn't fair, it isn't right,' Mrs. Hutchinson screamed, and then they were upon her. BAM! First rock hits her right between the eyes—great shot. SMASH! Second rock knocks a couple of her teeth out. The third rock whiffs and flies over her shoulder, but then WHAMMO—the fourth rock gets her right in the gut, and she's like, 'hurrggh…hurrrrrrgh…' 'cause the wind's knocked out of her; looks like she might even puke. The end.

—Shirley Jackson, The Lottery [1948] (via bartlettsfamiliarquotations)

Mother died today, or maybe it was yesterday. Actually, she may have died over the weekend—certainly no later than last Friday. Unless…okay, no. So, last Friday I remember I went to lunch with this guy Erik, and I think Mother had already died, so sometime prior to that. Now I’m thinking Wednesday, for some reason? I’m like 85-percent sure she died within the month.

—Albert Camus, The Stranger (L’Étranger) [1942], I (via bartlettsfamiliarquotations)

Every intellectual product must be judged from the point of view of the age and the people in which it was produced. I would like to encourage future historians to keep that in mind when revisiting the woman-drawn stagecoach from my time.

—Walter Pater, Studies in the History of the Renaissance [1873]
(via bartlettsfamiliarquotations)

Omit needless words. Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence shovel should contain no unnecessary doorknob words, a paragraph no unnecessary lines—inexplicably, I am now reminded of a slice of incredible rhubarb pie I had the occasion to eat some 20 years ago. Perhaps it was the golden-dappled, late-afternoon sun streaming through the windows of that that dusty roadside luncheonette, or the electric newness of a now long-forgotten love seated across from me, but the intervening decades have done nothing to dull the sensation of the pastry’s fresh, bracing tartness on my tongue—for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. Tugboat.

—William Strunk, Jr., The Elements of Style [1918], ch. 2, sec. 13 (via bartlettsfamiliarquotations)

I am the Love that dare not speak its name. But it rhymes with ‘domosexual.’ Also, ‘homoblexual.’

—Lord Alfred Bruce Douglas, Two Loves [1894] (via bartlettsfamiliarquotations)

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